Below jokes will have typical Chinese/Singapore slang like 'la' 'lo' 'ma'. All these have no particular meaning except to add more spice to the conversation.
Story 1:
Teacher: Ah Kau, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how
much would your father still have?
Ah Kau: $10.
Teacher: You don't know Maths.
Ah Kau: You don't know my father la!
Story 2:
Mother: David, come here.
David: Yes, mum.
Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David: But but but....I will only get my report card tomorrow ???
Mother: I know that, but I'm going Hong Kong tomorrow so I'm scolding you
now.
Story 3:
Father: Why did you fail your Mathematics Test?
Son: On Monday, teacher said 3 + 5 = 8
Father: So?
Son: On Tuesday, she said 4 + 4 = 8.
On Wednesday, she said 6 + 2 = 8.
If she can't make up her mind, how I know the right answer one ???
Story 4:
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear.
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No la, mine is undying love only !!!
Story 5:
Man: How old is your father?
Boy: Same as me la.
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He only became a father when I born lo !!!
Story 6:
Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did you copy his?
Simon: No la, teacher. It's the same dog!
Story 7:
Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I tell you she's no good!
Story 8:
Teacher: Where were you born?
Student: Singapore , Sir.
Teacher: Which part?
Student: All of me ma....
Story 9:
A boy came home from school with his exam results.
" What did you get?" asked his father.
" My marks are under water," said the boy.
" What do you mean 'under water'?"
" They are all below 'C' (sea) level."
copy from:
George Chan-MMU
Friday, March 27, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Benefits of eating PETAI..
ADVICE FROM UKM MEDICAL DOCTOR
Little did you know ...... After reading THIS, you'll NEVER look at petai in the same way again!
Petai contains three natural sugars -sucrose, fructose and glucose. Combined with fiber, petai gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy. Research has proved that just two servings of petai provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder petai is the number one fruit with the world's leading athletes. But energy isn't the only way petai can help us keep fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet.
Depression:
According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND among people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating petai. This is because petai contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.
PMS(premenstrual syndrome):
Forget the pills - eat petai. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.
Anaemia:
High in iron, petai can stimulate the production of haemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anaemia.
Blood Pressure:
This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it perfect to beat blood pressure. So much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the petai industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.
Brain Power :
200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school were helped through their exams this year by eating petai at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.
Constipation:
High in fiber, including petai in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.
Hangovers:
One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a petai milkshake, sweetened with honey. The petai calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.
Heartburn:
Petai has a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating petai for soothing relief.
Morning Sickness :
Snacking on petai between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.
Mosquito bites :
Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of the petai skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.
Nerves:
Petai is high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.
Overweight:
Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and crisps. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady.
Ulcers:
Petai is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.
Temperature control :
Many other cultures see petai as a "cooling" fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In hoiland, for example, pregnant women eat petai to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) :
Petai can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer, tryptophan.
Smoking:
Petai can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6, B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.
Stress:
Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium petai snack.
Strokes:
According to research in "The New England Journal of Medicine, " eating petai as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%".
Warts:
Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to kill off a wart, take a piece of petai and place it on the wart. Carefully hold the petai in place with a plaster or surgical tape!
So, as you can see, petai really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrates, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around. So maybe its time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, "A Petai a day keeps the doctor away". PM Dr.Aminuddin AHK Dept.of Physiology
Medical faculty of UKM Kuala Lumpur
Tel:6(03)40405157
fax:6(03)26939687
Little did you know ...... After reading THIS, you'll NEVER look at petai in the same way again!
Petai contains three natural sugars -sucrose, fructose and glucose. Combined with fiber, petai gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy. Research has proved that just two servings of petai provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder petai is the number one fruit with the world's leading athletes. But energy isn't the only way petai can help us keep fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet.
Depression:
According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND among people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating petai. This is because petai contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.
PMS(premenstrual syndrome):
Forget the pills - eat petai. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.
Anaemia:
High in iron, petai can stimulate the production of haemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anaemia.
Blood Pressure:
This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it perfect to beat blood pressure. So much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the petai industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.
Brain Power :
200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school were helped through their exams this year by eating petai at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.
Constipation:
High in fiber, including petai in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.
Hangovers:
One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a petai milkshake, sweetened with honey. The petai calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.
Heartburn:
Petai has a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating petai for soothing relief.
Morning Sickness :
Snacking on petai between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.
Mosquito bites :
Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of the petai skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.
Nerves:
Petai is high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.
Overweight:
Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and crisps. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady.
Ulcers:
Petai is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.
Temperature control :
Many other cultures see petai as a "cooling" fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In hoiland, for example, pregnant women eat petai to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) :
Petai can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer, tryptophan.
Smoking:
Petai can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6, B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.
Stress:
Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium petai snack.
Strokes:
According to research in "The New England Journal of Medicine, " eating petai as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%".
Warts:
Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to kill off a wart, take a piece of petai and place it on the wart. Carefully hold the petai in place with a plaster or surgical tape!
So, as you can see, petai really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrates, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around. So maybe its time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, "A Petai a day keeps the doctor away". PM Dr.Aminuddin AHK Dept.of Physiology
Medical faculty of UKM Kuala Lumpur
Tel:6(03)40405157
fax:6(03)26939687
Monday, March 09, 2009
TANDA FIRASAT TAHI LALAT
bibir atas kanan=banyak rezeki, pandai
bibir atas kiri=ramai kawan, baik hati
bibir bawah kanan=disegani orang, ramai yg suka
bibir bawah kiri=pandai bicara, tak mudah kalah
leher kanan=cerdas, jujur, berani menderita
leher kiri=cerdas dlm segala hal dan banyak pengetahuan
leher di tengah=tercapai cita-cita
biji mata kanan=suka serong dan pembohong
biji mata kiri=pembohong tetapi baik hati
hujung mata kanan=baik hati, sopan santun, cerdas
hujung mata kiri=baik budi, murah rezeki
punggung kanan=agak mengalami kesulitan
punggung kiri=malas dan suka duduk
betis kanan=suka berhibur, boros
betis kiri=rajin,tidak suka menganggur
lutut kanan=bersikap tidak peduli dan tak mahu berusaha
lutut kiri=kurang kuat berusaha
kepala sebelah kanan=terkabul cita-cita
kepala sebelah kiri=sering menemui kesusahan
kepala sebelah belakang=jujur, sabar dan tekun
kening kanan=cerdas dan cekap
kening kiri=cerdas, sopan santun
tengah kening=keras hati, berani segala hal
hujung mulut kanan=kecil rezeki, tak mudah kalah
hujung mulut kiri=suka berpoya-poya
ketiak kanan=dapat menyimpan rahsia
ketiak kiri=jujur, banyak yang cinta
pergelangan kaki kanan=suka berpergian (keluar rumah)
pergelangan kaki kiri=kehendak kuat
batang hidung=banyak dicintai orang dan dapat menjadi kaya
pada hidung=banyak rezeki
dagu bawah kanan=jujur dan baik hati
dagu bawah kiri=bijak sana dan berbudi luhur
tumit kanan=jujur dan banyak kawan
tumit kiri=baik budi
alis kanan=suka menolong, baik hati
alis kiri=ramai yang suka
pangkal peha kanan=kemahuan kuat
pangkal peha kiri=suka kerja apa pun
telapak kaki kanan=tak mudah mengeluh
jari kaki kanan=suka menolong
jari kaki kiri=berbudi, suka berbuat baik
bahu kanan=cermat dlm membuat keputusan, banyak tanggungan
bahu kiri=suka kerja keras, banyak tanggungjawab
lengan kanan=setia dan taat pada atasan
lengan kiri=menepati janji dan rajin
pipi kanan=ramai teman
tengah-tengah pipi kanan=ramai yg suka
tengah-tengah pipi kiri=ramai teman
ubun-ubun=kurang jujur
pusat=cerdas, tangkas, tekun
pusat bahagian kanan=sejahtera dalam hidup
pusat bahagian kiri=beroleh kemuliaan
pinggang kanan=sayang pada pasangan hidup
pinggang kiri=disayang pasangan hidup
dada kanan=dapat mengatasi masalah
dada kiri=berani, jujur dan sabar
telapak kaki kanan=tidak mudah mengeluh
telapak kaki kiri=baik budi pekertinya
siku tangan kanan=kuat ingin memiliki kekayaan
siku tangan kiri=baik hati, suka menolong
jari tangan kanan=serba beroleh keuntungan
jari tangan kiri=serba baik bekerja
jari telapak tangan kanan=banyak rezeki tapi boros
jari telapak tangan kiri=banyak rezeki dan cermat
pergelangan tangan kanan=boros, suka bersukaria
pergelangan tangan kiri=dapat berpangkat
perut bawah kanan=banyak rezeki, suka memberi maaf
perut bawah kiri=baik hati, tenang hidupnya
sudut mata kanan dalam=disayang suami atau isteri
sudut mata kiri dalam=tidak mudah dilupakan pasangan
sudut mata kanan luar=baik budi, ramai yg cinta
pelipis kiri=murah rezeki, dpt jadi kaya
pelipis kanan=serba berhasil dalam usaha
kelopak mata kanan atas=baik hati, ramah, berjaya
kelopak mata kiri atas=baik budi, ramai yg suka
kelopak mata kanan bawah=agak malas
kelopak mata kiri bawah=agak bodoh, kurang bijaksana
bibir atas kiri=ramai kawan, baik hati
bibir bawah kanan=disegani orang, ramai yg suka
bibir bawah kiri=pandai bicara, tak mudah kalah
leher kanan=cerdas, jujur, berani menderita
leher kiri=cerdas dlm segala hal dan banyak pengetahuan
leher di tengah=tercapai cita-cita
biji mata kanan=suka serong dan pembohong
biji mata kiri=pembohong tetapi baik hati
hujung mata kanan=baik hati, sopan santun, cerdas
hujung mata kiri=baik budi, murah rezeki
punggung kanan=agak mengalami kesulitan
punggung kiri=malas dan suka duduk
betis kanan=suka berhibur, boros
betis kiri=rajin,tidak suka menganggur
lutut kanan=bersikap tidak peduli dan tak mahu berusaha
lutut kiri=kurang kuat berusaha
kepala sebelah kanan=terkabul cita-cita
kepala sebelah kiri=sering menemui kesusahan
kepala sebelah belakang=jujur, sabar dan tekun
kening kanan=cerdas dan cekap
kening kiri=cerdas, sopan santun
tengah kening=keras hati, berani segala hal
hujung mulut kanan=kecil rezeki, tak mudah kalah
hujung mulut kiri=suka berpoya-poya
ketiak kanan=dapat menyimpan rahsia
ketiak kiri=jujur, banyak yang cinta
pergelangan kaki kanan=suka berpergian (keluar rumah)
pergelangan kaki kiri=kehendak kuat
batang hidung=banyak dicintai orang dan dapat menjadi kaya
pada hidung=banyak rezeki
dagu bawah kanan=jujur dan baik hati
dagu bawah kiri=bijak sana dan berbudi luhur
tumit kanan=jujur dan banyak kawan
tumit kiri=baik budi
alis kanan=suka menolong, baik hati
alis kiri=ramai yang suka
pangkal peha kanan=kemahuan kuat
pangkal peha kiri=suka kerja apa pun
telapak kaki kanan=tak mudah mengeluh
jari kaki kanan=suka menolong
jari kaki kiri=berbudi, suka berbuat baik
bahu kanan=cermat dlm membuat keputusan, banyak tanggungan
bahu kiri=suka kerja keras, banyak tanggungjawab
lengan kanan=setia dan taat pada atasan
lengan kiri=menepati janji dan rajin
pipi kanan=ramai teman
tengah-tengah pipi kanan=ramai yg suka
tengah-tengah pipi kiri=ramai teman
ubun-ubun=kurang jujur
pusat=cerdas, tangkas, tekun
pusat bahagian kanan=sejahtera dalam hidup
pusat bahagian kiri=beroleh kemuliaan
pinggang kanan=sayang pada pasangan hidup
pinggang kiri=disayang pasangan hidup
dada kanan=dapat mengatasi masalah
dada kiri=berani, jujur dan sabar
telapak kaki kanan=tidak mudah mengeluh
telapak kaki kiri=baik budi pekertinya
siku tangan kanan=kuat ingin memiliki kekayaan
siku tangan kiri=baik hati, suka menolong
jari tangan kanan=serba beroleh keuntungan
jari tangan kiri=serba baik bekerja
jari telapak tangan kanan=banyak rezeki tapi boros
jari telapak tangan kiri=banyak rezeki dan cermat
pergelangan tangan kanan=boros, suka bersukaria
pergelangan tangan kiri=dapat berpangkat
perut bawah kanan=banyak rezeki, suka memberi maaf
perut bawah kiri=baik hati, tenang hidupnya
sudut mata kanan dalam=disayang suami atau isteri
sudut mata kiri dalam=tidak mudah dilupakan pasangan
sudut mata kanan luar=baik budi, ramai yg cinta
pelipis kiri=murah rezeki, dpt jadi kaya
pelipis kanan=serba berhasil dalam usaha
kelopak mata kanan atas=baik hati, ramah, berjaya
kelopak mata kiri atas=baik budi, ramai yg suka
kelopak mata kanan bawah=agak malas
kelopak mata kiri bawah=agak bodoh, kurang bijaksana
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